Meet the fans

Words from a fan named Albert, After I went through a whole bunch of shit in my life, it gave me nothing but stress and many different thoughts. It wasn't good, it wasn't healthy, and I needed out. At times I'd think about running away, commiting suicide, or even cutting my wrists. I was NOT in good condition, and this was when I was a young boy. My parents divorced right before Christmas, and I was hurting badly. My dad hated my mom, so he talks nothing but shit about her to me and I can't take it. There were times that I'd cry and there were times he made me do things on the phone to her that would hurt her feelings. One time he made me say "Fuck You" when I was right in front of him... and my little brother. I couldn't believe that I was manipulated so easily then, and I wasn't even 13 years old. Now, I'm a sophomore in high school, dealing with shit that comes and goes, but like Aaron, I have mastered feeling nothing. It's so common, and I always get depressed... nothing's right. And the decisions I could've made would change where I'm at, but I'm too afraid because of my dad, and what he'll think. He doesn't know me that well.... He really doesn't. I started listening to Staind when I first heard "It's Been Awhile" and god damn, that was the literally the best goddamn song I've ever heard (Even though I still listen to grunge, I became DEEPLY involved into heavy metal later on). So, I actually started writing stuff when I was little, and the lyrics were pretty shitty. I always wanted to go on stage too, and I did just that at an Open Jam night in Indiana, while visiting. I thought I did awesome, and I seemed to get a positive response from the crowd. Now, I songwrite constantly, with an open mind. I write so much that I have lyrics and songs and chunks all over my bedroom, just everywhere. (My friend said that was true 'dedication.') So I got a guitar, and started playing. After I first heard Aaron's acoustic version of "Please," I couldn't stop watching the videos of him on his acoustic tour. I even tried to get a ticket, but I couldn't because I was gone when he came to town. After that, I wrote a few songs, edited, wrote some more, edited... It just seemed that I couldn't write as well as I did. After some more stress came upon me, I wrote fiercely. My emotions bottled up into strong verses and nice sounds. I'm still trying to get a band this day to be a heavy version of all the stuff I wrote. After being a Staind fan for so long, I realized that Aaron (and some other bands/artists) was my inspiration. He's my idol. I still want to see him live, whether alone or with the band, but his music has affected me personally and deeply; it gave me the strength to carry on when I felt like I was all alone when no one would listen. I had many problems, but I relieved them all through music.   I can't thank Aaron and Staind ENOUGH for all that they've done, physically, mentally, socially, musically... It's very comforting hear that you have a songwriter with one hell of a voice that's felt the things you've felt. I feel secure, safe, and best of all, relaxed. I can't get enough of the music; I don't have a favorite song because I truly love all of them. The old and new Staind don't compete, I love them the same. If they even read this, that will be a blessing. I've always wanted to meet Aaron and Staind, and I've always wanted to see him live. Maybe that'll happen this year, I don't know. But I sure hope it's soon.   -Al   I'm staying with Staind for the rest of my life   Thanks again, you guys kick ass and rock so fuckin hard!

Soundtrack To My Life by Eric aka leftyjlaj           The first time I heard TORMENTED that's exactly what I was. It was an Internet leak. Sorry guys. But at the time it was the only way to hear the album, that I knew of. I was another lost teenager caught in the grip of a heroin addiction. Homeless and without love I was attracted to the hostility on the cd. The anger that was expressed in the album verified how I was feeling at the time. When I listened to it I felt like someone could identify with me, which at the time I thought was impossible. It also gave me a sense of release. The first time I heard 4 walls I was dope sick and cried for hours. It felt like the first time I had cried in years. It almost felt good to cry. I put the song on repeat at a friends house and embraced the sadness. Then came prison. Relief.           Couple years later. New home. A pay-by-the-week hotel, an eight dollar an hour job, no heroin, and the DYSFUNCTION cd. Relief. This is when I knew that Staind would be a part of my life forever. Every song was like a soundtrack to my life. Anyone who has battled with addiction knows that when you stop your feelings are torn. You feel the same hostility and anger. But you also feel insecurities, shame, with a little twist of hope. That is dysfunction. The wave of emotions. Finally I could express some other feelings thanks to songs like ME and HOME. Those two songs summed up my identity at the time. I hade never heard someone be able to scream like all the ugliness in the world, just to back it up with singing that can only be described as beautiful. I fell in love.           I had been clean from heroin for a couple years and starting to feel more hope and less fear. Started to feel some love. Found some people to give it to. Started to grow up. Welcome BREAK THE CYCLE. The title alone was the title to the chapter in my life. This part of my life was the most confusing. More confusing than being a heroin addict. One day you feel gratitude and hope. Next day you want to rip someone's fucking head off. Only to be followed up with a day where you just feel insecure and somewhat worthless. But this album had a song for each of those days. I couldn't believe that this band, this singer/songwriter seemed like he was going through the same thing at the same time as me. It became an obsession an addiction. Waiting to hear the next album. Waiting to hear that someone else felt the same way. That I was not alone. That it was ok to feel like I was feeling. Waiting to see if it was ok to be me.           Still clean. Better job. Helping others stay clean. Found love. I began looking at life through different eyes. I was able to put closure to some things. 14 SHADES OF GRAY. Once again….. my life…. on cd. Identifying with the gratitude of SO FAR AWAY. Couldn't believe my life was getting as good as it was. Some people say that this was there least favorite album by Staind. This was actually one of my favorites. Very misunderstood. Aaron began to express mature feelings. I felt like I was evolving just like Staind's music and Aaron's lyrics were. ZOE JANE made it acceptable to be a father. To miss your family. FILL ME UP made it ok to give the woman in your life credit for standing by you and helping you grow. And when you get scared and insecure you put on BLOW AWAY and feel the emotions. And, of course, R.I.P. LAYNE.           Then I found my wife. Made a home with her. Continued to grow and evolve. The anticipation killed me. Thank god for concerts. But finally CHAPTER V. This brings me to where I am today. Some sanity. Clarity. Relief. A beautiful daughter. Gianna Marie 6/12/07. Thank you Staind. Thank you Aaron. Thank you for telling my story. Thank you for making me feel like it was OK to be me. Thank you for helping me battle addiction. Thank you for helping me put closure to many issues that I thought I would die with or from. Thank you for letting me know I can be a dad. Something I never had. She is my angel. Thank you for fun times at shows. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to meet friends through your music. Thank you for expressing your feelings when I didn't know how. Thank you for making me feel comfortable to be me. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. I can't say thank you enough.           See you August 27th in Baltimore at Rams Head Aaron. Got the VIP tickets. My wife wants to meet you. I may act like a groupie so excuse me. I may also try to pass you this letter. I apologize. You have been able to tell me, along with all your fans, what we have done for you. And I would just like the same opportunity to tell you everything you've done for me. Thanks again Lisa. You're great!

This was posted on Staind.com by a fan "Henry" most of you know him as "DoNeHaM86" on the message board. I enjoyed reading this so much I asked him if I could post it here for everyone to enjoy.

This Staind in Me Rock bands have come and gone since the start of the music genre. Beginning as a style of music misunderstood by parents and loved by the younger generation. For some bands it is the opportunity to purely make money, obtain all the drugs, and drown in the fame of a rock star. Unfortunately for those bands, their careers start to diminish upon their start, leaving no memories or permanent footprint in music history, just the forgotten one hit wonder. For the few true bands who manage to break through the cycle and do it for nothing more than expressing themselves and making real music, their struggle is one to be heard and never forgotten. One such band that has reached to millions is Staind, the Massachusetts based band consisting of Aaron Lewis, Mike Mushok, Jon Wysocki, and Johnny April. They have opened the minds of many in a more recently overflowing business of meaningless music. It seems they were destined to reveal the world to a new light, as they create a very diverse and highly connected fan base. Under classification Staind is found under post-grunge, hard rock, and alternative metal and rock, a combination creating one general genre of fairly new American based music. Staind has grown to become a group of many colors and surprises, today’s music world has changed drastically and the fight for recognition has become more difficult than ever, with the majority of popular or main stream music holding no importance in their messages. For now Staind lives off their humble ways and powerful messages that are appreciated by their incredibly loyal fan base. The mid to late 1980’s was a time of great confusion and anger for many of the young generation of the US. Pressured from a world that did not accept their ways, looking for a path to follow, thus soon arose a style of musical expression called alternative metal. In ways different from heavy metal this creation was not specific in any form, instead it began very loosely as bands moved away from traditional metal ways and worked off different sources. Ian Christe describes the start of the genre saying “These bands never formed a distinct movement or scene; rather they were bound by their incorporation of traditional influences and openness to experimenting with the form, usually by way of their eclectic influences and uncommon approaches (Christe 2003).” It all began around the mid to late 1980’s in the United States, branching off from alternative rock, free jazz, heavy metal, punk rock, and a few others. The basis for instruments in an alternative metal band consists of a guitar, bass, and drums. This music became a source of ventilation for these lost individuals. They were able to find others to connect with through the power of alternative metal. The variety of bands from this genre expressed different messages which expanded the fans into different sections. Staind's small beginnings grew into what they are today thanks to their incredible versatility and deep connection to the people in need of inspiration. The members of the band all share different pasts of pain and use music as a source of expression, Mike Mushok explains in an interview saying “It’s also a positive vent for some angrier emotions that myself and Aaron and the rest of the guys have… We tried to go out and do something a little different (Lepage).” It is also the darker side that allows fans to relate and vent in the form of listening. Their unique talents coincide and allow them to create a sound that people can relate to on many different levels, as Mark Lepage explains “Lewis brings the pain without resorting to histrionics, and his band mates weave themselves throughout the songs with concise shifts and remarkably sensitive dynamics (Leapge).” Their fans consist of both males and females from the youth of their generation and beyond, and of not only America, but around the world. They are still not credited to the degree they should be, their work by today’s parents or critics is not taken for what it truly is, as Hilburn explains “rock critics generally have been as slow as parents to notice that Staind may be helping rock turn a page by showing that the young audience is ready to emerge from its decade of darkness (Hilburn).” In this aspect they may be misunderstood, but it is the fans who have gained hope through this music. The song most commonly used to refer to Staind would probably be “Its Been a While” the song that demonstrates the message they are trying to put out there. According to Hilburn “The message is that it is possible to move beyond the issues of low self-esteem that sometimes seem crippling to young people. The song’s narrator has reached a point where he has begun to see life in more positive terms and accept responsibility for some of his past mistakes (Hilburn).” Those who have followed Staind have been able to grow as the band has grown, out of darkness and into the light by taking in a new outlook on life. The boys of Staind hold a towering sense of humility and strength in their beliefs which has kept them together over the years, allowing them to continually and successfully produce good music. By strictly staying true to the musical aspect, they are able to ignore the added temptations and distractions that come with the fame of rock stardom. According to Joe Dempster “they’ve always had a special ability to shut out most of their external pressures and distractions, an affinity for focusing on the task-at-hand to detriment of virtually everything else in their seemingly troubled lives (Dempster).” It is one thing to make hit songs and make a living, but to keep hold of your morals while climbing the social ladder is another thing. In an interview Mike Mushok said “We try not to get involved with too much of the business side of things- especially when we’re focused on being as creative as we can be (Dempster).” From this determination and loyalty they have been able to work together for the past decade. By avoiding the abuse of technology (in an attempt to better the sound of music), they stick primarily to what they naturally have. This allows them to be considered true musicians and not only prove they have skill in their craft, but also have the ability to provide an extreme impact and memory full live performance upon every concert. Today the ever changing popular or main stream music scene is drowning with computerized sounds and injuring vocal messages. The battle for bands like Staind to get recognition and play time on the radio is now much more difficult, the music that is popular consist of nothing more than a catchy beat and meaningless lyrics. Aaron Lewis comment’s in an interview saying “There are a lot of artists out there, from the way Britney Spears dresses to some of Eminem’s talk about smacking [women] and beating up girls that really don’t think about the impact they are having on these young, moldable lives (Hilburn).” Staind is having a much tougher time trying to reach out to a wider audience with this immense obstacle of up-to-the-minute main stream music. Music is dying in the sense that it is deteriorating music of importance and value, and ultimately giving the power of voice to people who say nothing of significance, but more so, damaging. According to Hilburn “One reason Staind is easy to overlook is that its music isn’t artful in the way that meets the usual critical standards (Hilburn).” This has caused a major shift in the voice of music; music itself is an incredibly powerful voice. Staind being them selves can do nothing but be true to themselves and their music. Following the trend is not something they do. Aaron Lewis explains his feelings about the matter saying “I think nobody cares [about Staind] anymore. No one wants to see videos from us anymore. We’re not the hip flavor of the moment. We don’t wear jeans that are our sister’s, and we don’t wear our hair purposely messed up. And we don’t hit our snare drum 500 times in one song. So we’re not what’s cool right now (Harris).” Aaron touches several different problem areas in the music scene today. The music that is popular now has attracted a new audience, has changed them completely. People do not realize how fake and harmful the new trend is. Staind's existence has been one that will truly never be forgotten by many who have been touched by their music. Their words speak louder to some than others, but their message is impossible to ignore. They will continue to produce musically as long as the fans still want to listen. Robert Hilburn explains saying “Staind is a standout in dark rock not for its song craft, but for a straightforward style that speaks directly to fans (Hilburn).” It is this voice that made them who they are today, and will ultimately keep them in the spotlight of fans hearts for years to come.

I recieved these from Zoe they were taken at the Astoria in London, UK. March 8th 2006.

Zoe with Jon and Johnny Zoe and Aaron Zoe and Mike Zoe and Aaron Leeds/Reading festivals & kerrang awards in 2001 at Astoria in London, UK

I recieved these from Kim they were taken at Edgefest in TX.

Kim & Carrie Carrie's face is priceless Kim & Staind Staind & Kim's son Kim & Mike Kim & Aaron Mike Aaron Aaron with a smile Jon Johnny no shirt woohoo Andrew the old tour manager

I recieved these from Lee & Zoe they were taken on May 31, 2006 at the Nokia Theatre in NYC.

I received these from Kim they were taken on November 23, 2005 at the Nokia Theatre in Dallas TX.

Aaron hugging Kim Kim & Staind How big was it Jon?

Here is a picture of Jordon that was taken at the meet & greet on November 18, 2005.

Jordon would like to say. "Hey guys, thank you for the best night of my life... I really enjoyed it, hope to see you guys again. Thanks again!" Jordon & Staind

I received these from Corey they were taken on August 25, 2005 at the MN State Fair. This was Corey's 8th time seeing Staind. "Wow now that's what I call a real devoted fan" Not only was it Corey's 8th time seeing them, He also got to meet them.

Here are a few words from Corey. What made this Staind show so grand? Meeting the guys before the show and with that, I'm speechless. By far one of my life's brighter days! Two words for Staind: Thank You!

Corey & Staind

I received these from Erin they were taken at the free concert in Boston on August 9, 2005. This was Erin's 3rd time seeing Staind in a little over a year. She also attened the meet and greet and was able to get a picture with Aaron. The first picture is Aaron with Erin and her friend Amanda. The second is Aaron and Erin's best friend Michael. Michael is in the Staind Limited Edition Chapter V dvd holding his Boston postcard signed by the band. (28 seconds into the dvd) Erin and her friends are again in the dvd after they show Staind's acoustic concert for the radio winners!

I received these from Elizabeth a huge Staind fan from Prince George, VA.

I received these from Shari they were taken on October 4, 2003 at the Norva in Norfolk, VA.

I received this letter from a fan named Ryan. His lifes' experiences have fallen on many hard times. His words are so inspiring I wanted to share them with everyone.

Hi, My name is Ryan Conroy. I'm 22 years old, and I just wanted to let you know you're site is awesome. I've been listening to Aaron for years now, he's saved my life. I've literally had knives, bottle of pills, ETC in my hand, and his lyrics have always stopped me from doing it. I finally got to tell him that he's saved my life at the show he did at Longmeadow High School. I came up from college just to see him, and I definitely had a night to remember.. I had $60 seats with my friend, and they decided to give us backstage passes for free. I'll never be able to thank the staff that work their enough, but it was truly amazing. The show was awesome, but towards the end I began to get anxious about meeting Aaron.. I've met him before in Connecticut at a Staind show. I met all the band members there, and I got their autographs. It was a quick thing though, and they went down the line of people very quickly. This time I actually got an autographed poster, that was made to me personally. I asked Aaron if I could talk to him for a minute, and he said he'd gladly talk to me after he was done signing. I waited around for about an hour, and I went back in. I got to hear Vanessa speak also, which was truely amazing. I shook Aaron's hand again, and took a picture with him. He put his arm around me, and I did the same.. Aaron's such a cool guy, and just knowing that he took the time to talk to me, and took a picture was something that I'll always remember. He also amazingly enough remembered my face from the first time I met him, which just floored me because I only saw him for no more than five seconds. I told him how he's saved my life, and or most of the stories I had... Most noteable was probably the time I had a knife to my head, and I was going to stab myself.. I thought of Waste, and threw the knife across the room. I always live on, and try to make all the shit I've been through positive. My life has been nothing but shit, but I can honestly say if there was no Aaron Lewis, there'd be no me. He told me he was glad I didn't kill myself, and that the world was a better place with me here. That sent chills down my spine that I'll never be able to describe for as long as I live. I'm blind, so I obviously couldn't see his face, but God... I wish I could've. It was just an awesome night, and I got two autographs. The poster, and the VIP pass I got just for showing up. I can't stress what a great guy Aaron is, and I can never explain what he means to me. I know every word to his songs, and I memorized the track listing for every CD he's ever released. There isn't a bad Staind song that exists, and Aaron solo is never a disappointment. There was always one thing I wanted to do, and that was tell Aaron how he's kept me here for years. I finally got to do it, and it's changed something about me forever.. I feel like I've finally accomplished something. Well, again, I love your site, and I just wanted to tell you what I thought.. I'm going to paste a couple of writings I've done, so you can realize what a crazy life I've had.. Take care, Ryan C. A memorable moment is different for everyone. It can be a moment you remember because it made you sad, happy, sick, or it may have changed your life forever. I can't say I have too many moments I like to remember, for my life has been a bumpy road from the second I was brought on to this Earth. One thing that always haunts me though, and probably always will is my battles with cancer. Every time I have something going for me, cancer seems to come back and strike me down again. This has happened to me so many times, and it?s made me realize that anything can change at the blink of an eye. Something can always go wrong, so I try not to get too happy with any positive things that may happen in my life. My first battle with cancer began when I was two years old. It might have been a little earlier, but I don't really remember it all too well. I was a perfectly healthy baby, but as I neared the age of two, I began bumping into things. My mom found this very strange, so she took me to the doctor. The doctor informed her that I had retina blastoma in both eyes, and it was in the very late stages. The cancer had spread to my back, where the doctor had found three tumors. It was predicted that I had about six months to live. Over the course of the next three to five years, I went through hell over and over again. I had a Bone Marrow transplant, Chemo Therapy treatments that almost killed me themselves, and even some radiation. I made it through all this, and overcame everyone?s expectations. I was completely healthy again by the age of eight. It's really unbelievable now that I look back on it. Being in constant fear of dying at any second from age two to age seven, losing my hair, losing my sight, are just a few of the things I had to deal with. Bone Marrow transplants are very intense. I had to wear all kinds of things when I went anywhere, or when I touched anything. Gloves, masks, gowns, special shoes, hats, I was covered from head to toe. I was the third person in the US to survive the type of treatment they gave me, and I have to say that's quite an experience. I had a lot of losses, and I over came a lot of odds. It's great to look back on that, and know that I survived it all. I had no idea that my battles with cancer were far from over though. Being healthy for about seven/eight years and reaching heights in my life I never dreamed of, cancer returned again. At the age of 15, I was living a "normal," or close to normal life at high school. I was a natural athlete, wrestling champion, and had lots of confidence. Sports were my dream, and I wanted to take them out into the world. I was also very intelligent, and I was always on the honor role. Like being a healthy baby, this would soon change. I was always into wrestling as a kid, but never took it up as a hobby. When I did though, I was a star. One of the best wrestlers my school had ever seen, and I was the champion for two years straight. I also took up other sports such as track, Goal ball, and swimming. I was an all-star in all of them, but none of them would ever mean as much to me as wrestling did. One day during wrestling practice, I fell on my right knee pretty hard. It was something I'd normally get up like nothing from, but a pain that I've never felt before shot through my leg. I had to stop, and I laid on the matt for about 45 minutes unable to move. When I finally got up, I went right to the clinic in my school. They told me they thought it was a pulled muscle, but being an athlete for so many years, I knew it was much more than that. I returned to the nurses and doctors several times, only to be shot down. I was always a kid who didn't complain about anything, but the one time I did, they didn't listen to me. They didn't allow me any x-rays, or anything. I continued on for about four months, until February break finally came around. At this point I couldn't walk, and there was a lump on the back of my knee about the size of a baseball. My mom rushed me to the emergency room, where they took several pictures of my knee. They informed me that I had another tumor, and the cancer was again in late stages. This cancer was called "osteosarcoma," and it was common for people to get this case of bone cancer after having retina blastoma. It wasn't guaranteed that I'd have it, but unfortunately I did. It may have not been as bad if my school had listened to my complaints, but that's only something I can look back on now. I went through several more Chemo treatments, and I had to have my knee replaced. They luckily got all the cancer out, but they ended up having to take a good amount of muscle from my leg. When they replaced my knee with titanium, my leg would never be the same. I almost didn't make it out of surgery because they accidentally used soap on me that I am highly allergic to. I had a severe Asthma attack in my sleep, and I lost so much blood on the operating table I had to have four blood transfusions in the operating room. The surgery took seven plus hours. After the surgery, The Chemo treatments themselves almost killed me this time around. The specific type of Chemo I was getting made my blood counts drop to the floor. It was predicted again that I wouldn't make it. I had to have a lot of blood transfusions, and also had to receive platelets because my platelet count dropped as well. I went through this for almost a year. I had to learn how to walk all over again, and I lost my ability to be the athlete I used to be. The doctor told me I shouldn't wrestle, but I had to attempt to go back one more time. Going against doctors orders, I returned to the matt once more. I pinned my first opponent in five seconds, and I was up and running again. I'm a strong believer in things happen for a reason, and I sprained my Ankle very badly right before a state tournament. After that, I called it quits because I just took that as a message to stop. I couldn't do it anymore, unless I wanted to risk major injury to myself. I stay away from it now; I can't even watch a wrestling practice because I wish I was out there.. I watch it on TV sometime, and that still kills me because that's what I wanted to do. Wrestling will always be my life, and it will always be my dream. I was going to go pro, but this knee injury changed that forever. Cancer actually returned a third time, but they got to it quick enough. It was in my ribs on my left side, and I had to have part of my bottom rib on my left side removed. I was very thankful that I didn't have to go through another battle with cancer. During the final stages of my recovery, I lost my mother. She died from a severe Asthma attack; she smoked a lot. I promised myself I'll never smoke because of this, and I still have never done it. My mom said before she died, that she wanted to be alive to see me make it. I'm very thankful that she made it to see me survive. Of course I wish she was still here everyday, but there's no bringing her back. I've gotten this belief that every eight years something bad happens to me. I'm almost 22 years old, and I'm dreading my 24th birthday. This may be a fear, something that's just been programmed into my head because all I've been through, but it's a fact that every eight years something happens. I can only imagine the losses I'll have to deal with if something happens again. Cancer will always haunt me. It does everyday; not a day goes by that I don't think of everything it's taken from me. My whole life has changed because of it, and I'll never be the person I used to be. I've learned a lot from my experiences though, and you can only deal with what life gives you. I'll be the first to admit that I dwell on my past everyday, but I need to get over it eventually. My past affects the way I act every single day. I used to be very outgoing, talkative, and always had something to do or say. Now, I clam up, I'm very shy, my confidence is always on the floor, and I feel as if I have nothing to look forward to. There's always something bothering me, whether it be the way I walk, the way I look, my loss of vision, I'm always dwelling on something. I'm a man in my own little world, and I hate it. 2001 was the worst year I'll probably ever have in my life. It was the year I learned that no matter how good you have it, there's nothing guaranteeing it's going to stay that way. It was the year that I really realized everything that had happened to me, and everything I've lost. Dealing with experiences such as these, can change a person's whole outlook on life. I've developed a strong passion for helping others now, and it's the career I'm hoping to take up. Being the only person from my family that has attended college, I'm stribing once again for success. I can only hope that this adventure in my life doesn't get ruined like the others have. 2. Ryan Conroy Hi, I've attended this school for 6-7 years now, and it's been far from the best thing in my life. When I first came, I was placed in Lower School for some strange reason that I still don't know of to this day. When I got to Secondary, things started happening. I gained confidence in myself from sports such as, wrestling, and Goal Ball, and Track. I was a star, a leader, or "the best." On all those teams, I was unstoppable, but that would soon change. The only thing I really liked about Perkins to this day is sports. It kept me from dropping out amazingly enough? *smile* Anyways, I got hurt in Wrestling, and told the nurse who now mind you is nurse manager, and her name is Debbie. I told her something was wrong. She thought it was a pulled muscle, but I knew it wasn't. Being a athlete for so many years, I know what a pulled muscle is. They don't think of it that way of course. I kept going back and back, but just to get told the same thing. Finally, after four months, Febuary break was here, and my mom, who is now dead, rushed me the emergency room. It was discovered that I had a tumor on my right knee. Perkins knew that I was supposed to be under close watch, for I have already had cancer once which is the cause of my loss of vision. They didn't pay attention; however, and look where I wound up? Fighting Cancer for a second time. I want to sue perkins so badly because I believe I deserve something for what they did to my life. Sports were really my dream, and they were going to take me out in to the world. That dream was shattered when I had to learn how to walk again, and many other things that just make me disgusted because everything I had to go threw rehab for was and still is Perkins fault. I still Wrestle because I love it so much, and I am really putting myself at risk by doing it, but I don't care. The same goes for Goal Ball. I may not be the player I was, but I'm still here to enjoy it. This is only one of the many issues I've had with Perkins, but I've written enough for now I think. (smile) I will definitely post again. For anyone who wants to get to know me, I will leave some contact information: Email, goldberg454@lycos.com Chat programs: MSN, same as Email, AIM, conroy1284, and Skype, goldberg454 Feel free to call me, or add me to your contacts. I love talking to people and helping them. Because of all of the shit I've been threw in and outside of Perkins, I've developed a strong interest in helping others. Hope to hear from some of you, Ryan C. OK, wrestling tournament weekend, can't go. Why? At the last minute I spraigned my ankle. This has nothing to do with Perkins, but if you think about it deeply, it does. All the way back if I didn't have to where the stupid brace I do when I wrestle, and stuff like that. Again, Perkins fault for my knee. I'm beginning to think of myself as a some what fallen champion. Once was the best, and now am transfered to the worst. This is my oppinion of corse, and a lot of people tell me it is not true. It might not be, but It's Perkins who made me think this way. 3. Someone told me to write a letter about myself, and this is what I came up with: Ryan Conroy Hello, My name is Ryan Conroy. I was born in New Haven Connecticut on December ninth, 1984. I'm 21 years old, and this is my first year of college. My major is Psychology, and I hope to one day be able to help people with any type of problem they may have. I have had a very hard life, and I hate to see others have to see or go through the things I did. I try to do anything I can to prevent it. I'm a little shy when I first meet people, but once you get to know me, I can be pretty talkative. Some things I love are reading and writing, music, watching movies, using the computer, chatting with people, and lots of other things that I'm not going to waste time writing down. I love the New York Yankees, and I have for most of my life. I'm sure that's clearly visible though from the way I dress. The biggest inspiration in my life is Aaron Lewis. He is the lead singer of the rock group Staind, and his lyrics have helped me through some very hard times, which you will read about below. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here right now. I owe him everything I have, and I always wish there was someway I could thank him for what he's done. I have one brother who is 30, and he has a son named Tyler. I also have a sister who is 27, and she has two children. I lost both my parents at an early age.. My father was in a serious car accident when I was eight, and my mother died when I was 16 from a severe Asthma attack. Since my mom's death, my family has fallen apart, so I don't have much of a family. It's just something I have to deal with though, and I don?t let it stop me. I'm visually impaired because I had cancer when I was two years old. Between the ages of two and eight, I had a lot of medical issues. These included, the cancer I mentioned above, a Bone Marrow Transplant, several surgeries, and lots of things I can't even remember. I was lucky to survive cancer once, but I had know idea it'd be back a second time. During high school, I was an athlete. I was a wrestling champion, Goalball all-star, and track All-star. I also played Baseball. I never let my lack of vision stop me from anything, and sports were my dream. I was going to be a professional wrestler, but at the age of 16 when I was headed the right way with everything, cancer decided to return. I had to have a knee replacement in my right knee, and this caused a huge turn of events in my life. I had to learn how to walk again, and dealing with the fact that my right leg would never be the same was not easy. I still have a difficult time dealing with it to this day. Psychology was my second choice for a career, for as mentioned above, I love helping people. I can't stand people going through hard times, and I do anything I can to prevent it. At the age of 21, I've gone through things people in there 40's haven't yet. This is not fair, but I've learned a lot from it. Sometimes I feel like I know it all, and I've seen it all. This is not true, for no one knows or has seen it all, but it could be a good feeling sometime. Sometime it could also be dreadful. My past affects me deeply. I've had a lot of losses, and that's the reason I'm so quiet, shy, and kind of spaced out half the time. I hope to meet a lot of new people though, and put my past behind me. I'm the only member of my family who has attended college, and I hope to make something out of it. I constantly strive for success, no matter what's standing in my way. Don't be afraid to talk to me because once you get to know me, all this stuff seems like nothing. Again, as said before, it takes me awhile to open up to people, but once I do, you'll always have a friend in me. I'm always here to listen to anyone, always here to talk, and always here to help. I love to write, so I hope to have fun in this class. Well, this is really all I can think of to say about myself. If you have any questions for me, or want to get to know me more, don't hesitate to ask me anything, or talk to me. Take care all, Ryan C.